Fun activities for the under-2s

Parents....why are you fretting about taking your babies to organised groups or buying the latest educational toy? I mean, they're fine and all, but here's where the real fun is at....

EMPTYING THINGS

I LOVE emptying things! Changing bags are good, whenever we go to visit a friend, I like to make sure that I empty the changing bag at least 3 times. It's especially good to take things like Mama's purse or phone and hide them under a sofa or something. Mama makes a really funny noise when she gets 5 miles down the road and then realises she can't find her purse, haha!

Cupboards are also fun to empty, Mama always tries to stop me from emptying the clinky clonky cupboard, she says the plates and bowls will break but they make such a nice clinky clonky sound when I bash them together! Surely it doesn't matter if they break in half - then you have two!

The cooking cupboard is the best. Top Tip... a massive bag of dried pasta is awesome fun to pour all over the floor and throw in the air. Also, while Mama is picking up all the pasta, that's a great time to get into the baking things, the dried fruit tub is fab, you can break into it and eat all the raisins when she's not looking, lol!
Oh, and when she starts picking up the raisins, that's the PERFECT time to pour flour on the floor.
Who needs snow? Yay for flour angels on the floor!

POSTING THINGS

One of my friends loves to post things, and I can see why. You can post things through the stair gate, down the back of the bed, in between the sofa cushions, and my personal favourite - jammin stuff down the backs of radiators.
Bonus points for posting toast into the DVD player.

THE DOG'S WATER BOWL

Best. Paddling. Pool. Ever.

THE DOG'S FOOD BOWL

Hello? If you don't want us to eat delicious beefy flavoured biscuits, don't put them on the floor!
Sheesh - talk about lead me into temptation!

FOOD AS A FACE MASK

Why eat it when you can wear it? 

BOXES

Boxes are great. They can be anything - boats, houses, hats, caves, spaceships...you name it! They even come with a free toy inside, which is not as fun as the box, but is a nice bonus, and gives Mama something else to pick up 75 times a day. Can't have her getting bored!

DRAWING

Okay, I say drawing, but what I actually mean is make Mama think you're drawng, but secretly eat the crayons when she's not looking. Red ones are my favourite, they taste so red!

WALKING

If you haven't started walking independently yet, this is an ideal opportunity to keep everyone in your house busy. Make sure that you never crawl anywhere, insist on someone holding your hands and walking everywhere. They won't mind, they think it's adorable.

Any other suggestions, baby chums? What are your favourite activities?

Why co-sleeping is good for you

For the first 9 months of my life, I slept in my parents' bed all the time. I'll tell you a secret...I actually quite like my own cot now, but I don't dare sleep in it too often. Parents are creatures of habit, you see, and if you let them sleep alone on a regular basis, they'll expect it all the time.

What parents tend to forget, is that the bed is for the whole family, not just them. Sometimes you'll even hear parents say "MY bed, not yours". This is obviously selfish behaviour and needs to be nipped in the bud right away.

Research has shown that letting parents sleep alone will cause them to fall into a deeper sleep than they would if they had, say, a butt in their face or were being repeatedly kicked in the head. That's bad news for you, buddy, because it means that they won't be able to respond to your needs right away. It might take a good 30 seconds or even as much as a minute for them to wake up, and let's face it, every second counts when you encounter an emergency situation during the night.

Emergency situations that parents must respond to right away include, but are not limited to;

* I'm hungry/thirsty

*I thought I was hungry/thirsty, but I actually just want to bite your boob/push the bottle away and scream some more

*I have a dirty/wet nappy

*I thought I had a dirty/wet nappy but I don't

*I saw a scary shadow on my wall

*I farted loudly and scared myself

*Daddy farted loudly and scared me

*Mummy farted loudly and scared me

*I'm cold and need a blanket

*I'm hot and need the blanket taken off me

*Never mind, I kicked it off myself

*But now I'm cold and need it back

*Oh, wait, maybe I'm too hot now

*What was that noise? Oh, it was me snoring

*I heard Mama and Daddy thinking about having a cuddle and thought "Not on my watch"

*I rolled over and banged my head on the cot

*I dreamed I was falling off a cliff

*I dreamed that Peppa Pig wasn't real

When you share Mama and Daddy's bed, they can respond to your needs right away, because you can keep them in a state of permanent half wakefulness. Helping them to stay alert is vital, and can be done in a number of ways;

*Pretending to stop breathing for a few seconds

*Kicking them repeatedly in the face

*Stretching your body across the entire length of the pillows, leaving them both hanging off either side of the bed

*Waiting until Mama is sound asleep, then sitting bolt upright and launching your forehead into her face at full speed

*Kicking Daddy in the privates

*Making constant whimpering sounds

*Kicking Daddy in the back while nipping Mama's neck

*Silently crawling to the end of the bed, and dramatically falling off

Don't worry, your parents will thank you for keeping them alert, they would only feel guilty otherwise, and being woken from a deep sleep is far worse than being kept awake all the time. 

Remember, consistency is the key. Sometimes you will feel sorry for them and think it won't do any harm to just let them have a full night's sleep, just this once - but remember, they'll get confused and start to expect it all the time. Don't start bad habits that will only become more difficult to break. 

Be strong, and remember you're not alone (and never will be if you share their bed).

Own bed = BAAAAAD

Mama and Daddy's bed = GOOOOD

Correct nappy etiquette

Nappies....let's be honest my friends, we're all using them (unless your folks are into elimination communication, AKA "Chuck them in the garden and let nature take it's course"), and there's no shame. Hey, it'll probably be a while before any of us have enough control over our bladders or bowels to go potty (and even then, nappies are just more convenient - who doesn't like pooping at the dinner table?), so let's talk about our nappy use.

Maybe you use disposables, maybe you use washables - I'm not judging. All I know is there are certain rules you must follow when it comes to nappy etiquette;

1) Move around as much as possible

Now, you can't help it in the early months if you don't have a lot of mobility, you kinda have no choice but to just lie there and let the nappy changing process happen, but once you're able to roll over (or better still, crawl), there's really no excuse for making this gig easy on your parents.

As SOON as they lie you down to change your nappy, you must fight it with everything you've got. Sure, I know you want your nappy changed, but no reason not to have a little fun first!

Roll over, kick, crawl away, pull the clean nappy off, pee all over the changing mat - just do whatever you can to keep them on their toes...they love it!

2) Lull them into a false sense of security

Sometimes, it's nice to let your parents feel like they've won, by acting like their little tricks to make you lie still are working. My mama has tried them all - waving toys in front of me, letting me hold the wipes, holding socks in her mouth and swinging them over my face while wiping my bum (that one was especially hilarious), and giving me a mirror to look in.

Let them have their little moment of glory by lying still for a few nappy changes, then giggle quietly to yourself as you listen to them tell their friends that they've "cracked it". Not for long my friend, not for long....

3) NEVER poop in a wet nappy

I've heard many parents ask why babies wait until they've just had a fresh nappy on before they do a massive poop, and there's a simple reason for this. Ask your parents to cast their mind back to their carefree days of going to music festivals (wait for the inevitable misty eyed memories of their youth to pass over them), and then ask if they remember the portaloos. Would THEY have pooped in one of those cesspits, or would they rather poop in a pristine, beautiful freshly cleaned toilet?

Check mate.

4) Wipes are amazing

Ask any mother and she'll tell you that baby wipes can be used for all manner of things - cleaning faces, taking off make up, wiping spills, dusting, etc.

Ask any baby and they'll say the same - baby wipes are not just for wiping bums. They taste great, can be stretched into all manner of fun shapes if you hold one end in your teeth and pull, and most importantly, they are hilarious fun if you wait until the one second your mum isn't looking and then start pulling them all out of the pack as quickly as possible. Throw those wipes in the air like you just don't care!

5) Always poop in the most public place possible, among as many other babies as you can

Mums love playing "sniff the culprit out", and always get nice and smug when it's not their baby. Plus, there's nothing more amusing than watching lots of grown women walking around the room sniffing bums like dogs.

So there you go - enjoy keeping those parents busy, and happy pooping!

Notes from the trenches

FINALLY! Some time at the computer! My mama is always hogging this thing, like she's the only person in the house with any work to do!

Anyway, I decided to keep her busy by emptying the kitchen cupboards, and while she's tidying up, I can talk to my people.

My mama writes a blog called Mama Bare, which she says is an honest, notes from the trenches kind of story about being a mama, and how "hard" it can be. Well, I thought, that's what us little ones need! Enough with the CBeebies and Peppa Pig (although they are kinda fun), we babies need a voice! So here I am, telling it like it is.

Now, it's not always easy being a baby, but I'm here to listen and tell our story, so let me know if here's anything you want the world to know, okay?

Here's a few facts about me;

Name: Tootie, Tootiepie, Tootens, Sweetie, Babycakes, and sometimes I'm called OMG WHY ARE YOU CRYING NOW, which I think is a bit long, but hey, whatever works.

Age: 11 months

Occupation: Sleep coach, food critic

Special skills: Saying "Daddy" and smiling sweetly. This gets me ANYTHING, especially chocolate.

Climbing onto tables

Climbing out of highchairs

Turning myself inside out when I go near a car seat

Keeping Mama awake

Making strangers stop and say how cute I am

Making Daddy's money disappear

Eating blueberries

Using weetabix as shampoo

Grabbing the cat's tail and not letting go

Climbing stairs

Taking Daddy's glasses off

Special Features: Razor sharp fingernails. I once nipped Mama's boob so hard that it left a bruise that lasted TEN DAYS. No joke.

Ability to fight sleep. Seriously, I can beat anyone at this. I bet I can beat you.

Proudest moment: One time, I didn't let Mama sleep for five nights straight. She saw a friend's holiday photos on Facebook and cried because she was so jealous of them relaxing on a beach while she felt like she was going crazy. LOL.

Well, that's me. I'll try and create another diversion soon so I can get the computer again. Hope you like my stories :)

PS. It might say "written by Jodie Widden", but that's only because I stole Mama's blogger ID. I don't condone identity theft, but you have to be 18 or some nonsense to register. Unfair.