Nappies....let's be honest my friends, we're all using them (unless your folks are into elimination communication, AKA "Chuck them in the garden and let nature take it's course"), and there's no shame. Hey, it'll probably be a while before any of us have enough control over our bladders or bowels to go potty (and even then, nappies are just more convenient - who doesn't like pooping at the dinner table?), so let's talk about our nappy use.
Maybe you use disposables, maybe you use washables - I'm not judging. All I know is there are certain rules you must follow when it comes to nappy etiquette;
1) Move around as much as possible
Now, you can't help it in the early months if you don't have a lot of mobility, you kinda have no choice but to just lie there and let the nappy changing process happen, but once you're able to roll over (or better still, crawl), there's really no excuse for making this gig easy on your parents.
As SOON as they lie you down to change your nappy, you must fight it with everything you've got. Sure, I know you want your nappy changed, but no reason not to have a little fun first!
Roll over, kick, crawl away, pull the clean nappy off, pee all over the changing mat - just do whatever you can to keep them on their toes...they love it!
2) Lull them into a false sense of security
Sometimes, it's nice to let your parents feel like they've won, by acting like their little tricks to make you lie still are working. My mama has tried them all - waving toys in front of me, letting me hold the wipes, holding socks in her mouth and swinging them over my face while wiping my bum (that one was especially hilarious), and giving me a mirror to look in.
Let them have their little moment of glory by lying still for a few nappy changes, then giggle quietly to yourself as you listen to them tell their friends that they've "cracked it". Not for long my friend, not for long....
3) NEVER poop in a wet nappy
I've heard many parents ask why babies wait until they've just had a fresh nappy on before they do a massive poop, and there's a simple reason for this. Ask your parents to cast their mind back to their carefree days of going to music festivals (wait for the inevitable misty eyed memories of their youth to pass over them), and then ask if they remember the portaloos. Would THEY have pooped in one of those cesspits, or would they rather poop in a pristine, beautiful freshly cleaned toilet?
Check mate.
4) Wipes are amazing
Ask any mother and she'll tell you that baby wipes can be used for all manner of things - cleaning faces, taking off make up, wiping spills, dusting, etc.
Ask any baby and they'll say the same - baby wipes are not just for wiping bums. They taste great, can be stretched into all manner of fun shapes if you hold one end in your teeth and pull, and most importantly, they are hilarious fun if you wait until the one second your mum isn't looking and then start pulling them all out of the pack as quickly as possible. Throw those wipes in the air like you just don't care!
5) Always poop in the most public place possible, among as many other babies as you can
Mums love playing "sniff the culprit out", and always get nice and smug when it's not their baby. Plus, there's nothing more amusing than watching lots of grown women walking around the room sniffing bums like dogs.
So there you go - enjoy keeping those parents busy, and happy pooping!
Haha!
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